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propheticdreamer
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Name: L
Birthday: 7/22/1981
Gender: Female
Interests: reading, writing, talking, cooking, dancing, playing, eating, praying, laughing, singing, crying, spinning, making faces in the mirror, daydreaming, fantasizing, thinking really hard about important issues, having intense, intimate, open conversation, nurturing good relationships, loving God, loving people.
Expertise: ha, who am I kidding? I'm no expert. I can do a lot of things very well and when I pour myself into something, I can produce and achieve to considerable extents but to say that I'm an expert is to believe that there's something at which I can succeed EVERY time...and I don't think I'm even old enough to be so skilled at any one thing. "I know nothing." But the difference between me and the know-nothings is that I want to know. I seek answers.
Occupation: Education/training
Industry: Nonprofit
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
2/6/2003
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| So last weekend, I was a cranky and quarrelsome heiffer. I was arguing with my husband about the smallest things. Sometimes I just get so volatile and the littlest responses such as the tone of his voice or the direction of the conversation will end up pushing my buttons and setting me off. I was being rather difficult to live with and complaining about the house being too cluttered and it messing up my qi and I snapped on him several times during innocent conversations that turned into annoying debates.
But being the wonderful, long-suffering husband that he is, he responded by cleaning the whole house. He did four loads of laundry, mopped the kitchen, swept the bedroom, made the bed, cleared the clutter from the living room and just made our home a much more livable and delightful place to be. I couldn't help but feel so grateful and indebted by the end of the weekend. And then we topped it off with make-up sex (was that too much information? oh what the heck, it's MY blog and I'll write about my husband and my sex life if I want to. The pregnant lady has spoken.). Afterwards, he exclaimed enthusiastically, "I will clean the kitchen everyday!! It made all aspects of my life better!" I am madly in love with that man.
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| So I haven't written in this blog for over a year and now looking back, I would not have thought that my next post would be while pregnant! I think I am starting to feel the baby move! It is very faint but I sometimes feel something that is like a muscle spasm or a little nervous tick in my stomach and I think that must be the baby. It's a boy!!
On Monday, on the ultrasound, he was giving the technician a super hard time. He was punching and kicking at the ultrasound baton as she moved it around on my stomach. It was so strange to see him interacting with something on the other side of the wall. I wonder what it feels like in there when I laugh and cry. I've been laughing and crying on alternating days.
Yesterday I got pissed off at B for being under a separate blanket than the one I was using. He was under the fuzzy comforter and I was under the down comforter and I was feeling very spiteful and angry so I started making mean, petty comments about how we might as well start sleeping in separate beds next. What I really wanted was to be cuddled and held but instead of lowering my pride to ask for this, I just decided to be spiteful and angry, which did not make me very cuddly or huggable. So then I burst into tears and cried a good cry.
Today, when I was refilling the ink cartridge on the copier, the little round insert that usually is inside the cap of the ink bottle fell out and rolled on the ground on its edge. I thought it was a roach and started screaming bloody murder. Then I started laughing hysterically when B looked up so startled and said, "What are you DOING??" I thought that in the second trimester, you're supposed to be less emotional and more stable. What the heck?!
Plus, I am so emotionally combustible. I was telling B that we needed to stop cursing once the baby comes. And he said, "I'm glad you said we instead of just me." And I just burst out, "What? You don't think I know that I curse like a fucking sailor?" It even startled me the things that just rush off my tongue without hesitation. B said to me the other day that we're going to have to tell the baby that the F word means something else...like "taxes." lol. I have no idea what he is talking about.
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| This foray into Education Administration is so new and such a strange experience. I feel like I work myself to death sometimes, constantly on, all the time, thinking, planning, creating, working 7 days a week. But at school, everyone just thinks you're running around outside their classrooms. "Oh what fun!" they say. I know they think that because I thought it when I was a classroom teacher. I would see the DOI and the principal standing out in the halls, laughing and conversing, while I ran to pick up my students. I know it looks like you're having fun all the time, like you have the freedom of an unlocked schedule.
Well, what actually happened in the past two weeks? Let's see, I visited all the classrooms, taught a few lessons on self-discipline, did several read-alouds, taught an investment lesson that shared the goals of growing two years in one year, held grade level meetings with K-4 teachers, introduced the trackers that will help us differentiate instruction, trained people on how to administer DIBELS, conducted model lessons, tried to put a dent in the nightmare of a curriculum closet. It needs a major cleaning. I coached and talked to teachers, called subs, interviewed a candidate for the Reading Intervention Specialist position, wrote a thank you note to all my teachers because I love them dearly. They are the hardest working people. I am amazed by them every day. And I love the kids. They have so much personality, every class is different, every child is different. It was crazy hectic but I got to see the larger picture of what was happening in the school. I like my job even though I see that it does suck my life and everyone thinks you're just running around.
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| My husband and I have been married two years and some months now. We're learning how to live the married life together. Part of that married life is chores. I have to admit, we are both lazy and we both hate to clean. I think I am worse than he by far. At least I've gradually gotten worse. We've tried splitting them by task, rotating them, agreeing on a schedule for them and it just never happens. We end up cleaning once a week in a single sitting. And the laundry is a grimy monster that looms and grows, ever spilling over the hampers and reaching into far-flung places. But yesterday we started this thing that I have fondly dubbed "Twenty Minute Cleanathons" (he doesn't know it yet).
We set the timer for twenty minutes, each took a room in the house, and cleaned the hell out of it for twenty minutes. When the timer rang, we decided to go for another twenty. In forty minutes, we had a sparkling kitchen with dishes washed, floor swept and mopped, counters and stove cleaned as well as a tidy bedroom with bed made, laundry neatly put away, floor swept. It was amazing! We will have to do this thing more often.
I love a clean house but I just hate cleaning. I blame it on my mom who didn't train me well. She let me be a slob. And now these habits I'm trying to build as a wife and one day a mother are a struggle to establish. But I mustn't give up. Plus I have a good husband who's learning with me and helping me along.
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| We started this new thing at faculty meetings called Car Washes. Being in a school environment, the work can be so emotionally exhausting that teachers get burned out. We get slimed as students, parents, and teachers alike sling mud around. Negativity spreads and there is political infighting, gossip, rumors, lying, kids being disrespectful, angry, violent. It's like the book about Andrew's Angry Words that get passed around to hurt people. So to battle against it, we gather together once a week and choose a faculty or staff member that we shower with appreciation and love. This has made such a difference in our culture and atmosphere. People go home smiling with the words of kindness, compassion, and acknowledgment still echoing in their ears. Teachers are using it in their classrooms. Some even shed tears today. I feel like our team is creating a safer space for vulnerability. We're establishing a stronger sense of community and renewing each others' hope. This is all to say, Car Washes are pretty cool. And so is my new job!
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